It’s almost funny to me how all these poster quotes seem to talk to me now. I have hidden in my shell for so long I shut everything out. When I decided to start making changes in my life to better me I was scared to death how people would react. I didn’t want to upset the balance. Everyone else seemed to be happy, but me. Who did I think I was to start changing things and upsetting everybody else’s life? Who was I to think I was important enough to matter? Who was I to spend so much time on myself when so many others needed me? These are the questions I used to give myself permission not to change. These questions gave me permission to wrap my feelings, wants, desires, back up into their pretty little box and shove them back into the corner of my mind to be forgotten. I claimed it was for everyone else. HA!!
Now I look back and think to myself how freaking selfish I was. Really! How selfish is it not to give your best to the people you love, who love you. To allow them to watch you suffer silently. You may think they don’t see your pain but they do and they hurt with you. They make decisions because of it. They tip toe around conversations because of it. They cry for you. Why? Because they love you.
When we are going through this struggle with ourselves, this war of self-pity and lack of self-worth we can’t view life as it truly is. We can’t see people for who they really are. We can’t see ourselves for who we really are. Everything is tainted by how we feel about ourselves. When we look at people, their lives, their health, their bodies, their families, ect.. our view is distorted because of the way we see ourselves. Being able to see the world in truth means we must heal first ourselves. To be able to love completely, we have to first learn to love ourselves. To be able to take care of others, we have to first learn to take care of ourselves.
Our lives are our own, our reality in life is based on our choices. We have the power to change our reality, to stop distorting the picture and to see it clearly for what it is. I was always to scared, but not anymore. We have to break free of the fear, step out in faith, and give ourselves completely to the life we deserve. Give our enemies a reason to be jealous instead of a reason to laugh, give our supporters something to brag about, but most importantly give ourselves the gift of our true self.
I’m done making excuses, lying to myself, accepting less than I’m worth. I’m done letting fear control me. What about you? Are you ready to take control back? Are you ready to finally live the life you were meant to live? I am and I would love company along the way. 🙂