It’s been five years now sense you’ve been gone. Time has gone so fast and you have missed so much. The kids have grown so much in just this short time. Gage turned 16, started working, has his permit (Lord help us all) and is only one year from graduation. Bri’ana has blossomed into a beautiful young woman, she will be 16 this year, she is already planning how she is going to invest, where she is going to live, how she is going to purchase her first car. Darius still has that crazy since of humor that makes you either laugh like crazy or makes you want to scream. He is starting high school next September that means I will have three kids in high school. He had surgery on his knee this year, and is praying to be able to play his first year of football as a freshman. Alyssa our precious little princess is exceeding in school, she reads at a 5th grade level in 3rd grade, and she is simply a joy in our life with her loving personality. Each one of the kids misses you so much. The two oldest are still grieving their loss, they were so close to you, they still haven’t been able to process it. It’s sad to see them hurt and know all I can do is love them through it.
Alton and I are doing amazing, you would be so happy to see our marriage growing stronger and stronger. For the longest time I wasn’t sure we would make it, but you always encouraged me to hang in there and look at us now. We are in the process of laying the foundation to begin our Non-profit and hopefully soon he will be able to quit his job and get out of those terrible hours so we can focus on our family more like we both want. We are working on starting over, clearing our life from all the garbage and stresses in life that try to tear us down, and learning to focus on us and trust God in every area of our life.
Daddy is doing good Mom; I was scared for a long time we would lose him too. He loves you so much, he lived for you to a point and when you died it felt like he died with you. His grieving process has not been easy on any of us. In a way we did lose him when you died because he checked out of our lives. He began traveling for 6 months at a time always missing the holidays and never very good at keeping in touch. As much as all of us girls hated it we knew he was doing what he needed to do to cope with losing you.
He is home now, and for the first time since you left us I believe he is going to be completely okay. He is lonely though and I pray he finds someone to fill in that empty space. Nobody could ever take your place Mom, but Daddy needs someone to share what’s left of his life with and I know you would want that for him too.
Your daughters are doing well too, we all have had our own set of struggles but God has got us through each one and given us the strength to get through. He has supplied all our needs and comforted us when we felt lost. I am excited for the future for the first time in a very long time.
I love you Mom! I miss you so much. I still reach for the phone at times to call you. I want to hear your voice so bad it hurts. I want to feel your arms around me. To see you playing with your grandchildren. Heck I even miss arguing with you. I wasn’t the best daughter when you were here, I didn’t spend enough time with you. I was too wrapped up in my own life to see how much you needed and longed to be a part of all of our lives. I didn’t take time to see your pain. I only pray you knew how much I loved you and how important you were to my life and to me becoming the woman I am today.
You taught me so much, even in your death you continued to teach me. Mom you showed me what it meant to be a wife, to give of myself completely, to love with my entire heart. You taught me to be strong, that I could do anything I put my mind to. You set an example as to how to give of yourself selflessly without ever expecting anything in return. Mom you were not perfect, we had our difference, we fought, we cried, we laughed, we taught each other, and we loved each other in our way. We may not have been perfect, but we loved completely.
I was blessed to have you as my mother and all though God called you home early in life, he gave us just enough time with you, for you to have left an imprint on our hearts and I’m sure on many others. I am thankful for the time we had and I look forward to the day when I will see you again.
I carry you with me daily. You are always in my thoughts and close to my heart. Thank you for being the amazing beautiful woman who God designed you to be. Happy Mother’s Day!!!
With All My Love,
Your Loving Daughter