I wrote my When I Am Her story about a year ago and since then many things have taken place to move me towards my her. Anyone who knew me prior to my changes so far knows that I hate standing in front of anyone speaking let alone a group of people, however not long after doing my exercise I was asked to do a speech at a regional training for Premier Design Jewelry which I had only just started selling. So there I stood shaking in front of all the jewelry ladies in my region but I delivered my very first speech without fainting, or being taken to the hospital due to an anxiety attach. It was an amazing experience and so many people came up to me after words to speak with me, it was crazy.
Following that was another huge milestone, Chivon made her first promotional video for When I Am Her a video I was supposed to be in, well not only was I in it, we were dancing, and I was wearing a dress that showed my arms and was fitted!! Um neither of which I ever did. My friends and family I’m sure were wondering where Tammy had went to. Wait that’s not it, not only did I do that, I had on these amazing shoes with freaking high heels, I could barely walk in lol but I wore the heck outta those shoes although sadly they didn’t show in the video.
I made it through the video, the picture-taking, and feeling completely out of my element. And if I’m being honest with myself I enjoyed every minute of it and have grown all that much more because of it. I’m still not someone who likes to be in front of the camera I much prefer taking the pictures but I don’t shy away the way I used to. And I even take a few cute pictures. J
Since writing my story and having my first published piece in the book When I Am Her, I have sung my first solo at church. This was huge for me because I love to sing, but never ever in front of anyone. I also, sang karaoke lol although I bombed that one lol, but it was so worth it.
The next big step for me was starting my own blog. I’m not sure what possessed me to do it, but a few months ago I started the blog Finding My Worth, yupe the one you are reading right now. I initially started it just so I could journal I wasn’t going to advertise and try to gain followers. But somehow you found me anyway and I’m so blessed. What I find amazing about this whole blogging thing is that I get to interact with people from all over the world, people I otherwise would never have known. This is one of the best choices I’ve made for myself because you all have touched my life with your stories, pictures, and your advice in ways I would have never believed possible.
Just recently I stood in front of about 30 women telling my story which many of you have probably already read about in my post about the When I Am Her Book Launch. I could really tell I had grown when I stood in front of those women and I didn’t shake, I didn’t feel nervous, I just kept thinking to myself look at all these beautiful ladies whose lives are going to be changed after today. It was truly exciting.
Now all these things are great, but what I hold of the most value for me is that I’m learning to love myself and not let what everyone else says affect me. I’m building my confidence, I’m walking differently, I’m not afraid of life. But the person I was before realizing my Her, that person hid from the world. I would see someone I used to know back in the day at the store and instead of smiling and saying hi I would dart down another aisle and pray they didn’t see me. I was sad, depressed, and lonely. I definitely didn’t know my worth, how valuable I was. Today though, I am a new woman! And I am so thankful that I have had such wonderful friends and family to encourage me along the way. And I thank God for putting Chivon in my life and giving her the gift to help me bring the vision of my her into focus so that I could begin to move forward in my life with direction.
It really is exciting to have a vision and finally be able to see my life changing. I know that there are big things waiting for me out there and I’m not just talking about them anymore, I’m starting to live them.