Archive | April 2012

Bucket List

My Bucket List

I remember saying “I want to do that”, but when it’s time to pull it out of my memory bank what “IT” is I have no clue. So I’m writing my bucket list. Things I want to do before I die places I want to go, things I may want to own. My bucket list is about living my life to the fullest. I’ve started making changes on me, now it’s time to start living for me. It is time to step out of my comfort zone, confront my fears, and do the things I’ve always wished I could do, but always allowed myself to get in the way of doing.

Here goes nothing….(These are in no particular order, other than #1 and #2, they are my top 2)

  1. One or Two weeks at the Biggest Loser Resort and Ranch at Fitness Ridge in Utah with my husband (We are both working on losing weight and living a healthy life, this would be the world’s best way to kick it off.)
  2. Take a Disney World Cruise with my Family
  3. Spend a weekend at a spa getting the works (time for me to relax and rejuvenate)
  4. Attend some type of writers workshop
  5. Purchase a 1964 ½ Metallic Blue Mustang fully loaded
  6. Oregon Zip lines (I’m too heavy to do this right now, but it will happen.)
  7. Take Salsa Lessons
  8. Hot Air Balloon ride with my family
  9. Jet-Skiing
  10. Dog-sledding
  11. Helicopter ride with the family over the Grand Canyon
  12. Swim with Dolphins
  13. Have the wedding of my dreams (we married at the justice of the peace; it makes me sad that there are not wedding pictures or anything to document such an important day.)
  14. Take a honeymoon with my husband
  15. Take a safari in Africa
  16. Visit Australia
  17. Visit Hawaii
  18. Write a book
  19. Grow my blog to at least 10,000 followers
  20. Own a beach home
  21. Learn to ride a motorcycle
  22. Get a tattoo (this is my reward when I hit my goal weight loss)
  23. Learn to quilt
  24. Start a Non-profit with my husband
  25. Walk a Marathon
  26. Spend a romantic week away in the Caribbean or on a secluded island with my hubby
  27. Surprise my husband by taking him to a Lakers game and meeting the Lakers
  28. Ride an Elephant (my dad did this in Thailand I have wanted to ever since)
  29. Take professional modeling pictures with hair and makeup done and everything (once at goal weight)
  30. Have a family portrait done
  31. Become a motivational speaker
  32. Own my own home
  33. Go on a shopping spree (once at goal weight) and create a new image
  34. Ride horseback on the beach



I’ve added …

Check out my Contact Tammy page. One of my top goals is to not just be about the blog and writing, my goal is to keep it personal. This is something I learned from the founders of Premier Designs Jewelry whom I sell jewelry for independently. There motto is to Keep it Personal and they have thrived over the years because of it.

It is not my wish to open up my WordPress account a few times a week and make a post that has no heart to it. My wish is to touch lives, to make a difference, to pour myself into other people. I want you to know you are not alone. I share a piece of myself, my struggles, my insecurities, my desires, my fears with you in hopes that something I say will tug at a heart string for you and be just what you needed to hear that day.

I don’t want to be just about me in my journey in life, where is the fun in that? I want to share the joy ride with as many people as I possibly can.

So check out my contact page and shoot me an email I’m waiting to hear from you.


Make Your Haters Jealous

It’s almost funny to me how all these poster quotes seem to talk to me now. I have hidden in my shell for so long I shut everything out. When I decided to start making changes in my life to better me I was scared to death how people would react. I didn’t want to upset the balance. Everyone else seemed to be happy, but me. Who did I think I was to start changing things and upsetting everybody else’s life? Who was I to think I was important enough to matter? Who was I to spend so much time on myself when so many others needed me? These are the questions I used to give myself permission not to change. These questions gave me permission to wrap my feelings, wants, desires, back up into their pretty little box and shove them back into the corner of my mind to be forgotten. I claimed it was for everyone else. HA!!

Now I look back and think to myself how freaking selfish I was. Really! How selfish is it not to give your best to the people you love, who love you. To allow them to watch you suffer silently. You may think they don’t see your pain but they do and they hurt with you. They make decisions because of it. They tip toe around conversations because of it. They cry for you.  Why? Because they love you.

When we are going through this struggle with ourselves, this war of self-pity and lack of self-worth we can’t view life as it truly is. We can’t see people for who they really are. We can’t see ourselves for who we really are. Everything is tainted by how we feel about ourselves. When we look at people, their lives, their health, their bodies, their families, ect.. our view is distorted because of the way we see ourselves. Being able to see the world in truth means we must heal first ourselves. To be able to love completely, we have to first learn to love ourselves. To be able to take care of others, we have to first learn to take care of ourselves.

Our lives are our own, our reality in life is based on our choices. We have the power to change our reality, to stop distorting the picture and to see it clearly for what it is. I was always to scared, but not anymore. We have to break free of the fear, step out in faith, and give ourselves completely to the life we deserve. Give our enemies a reason to be jealous instead of a reason to laugh, give our supporters something to brag about, but most importantly give ourselves the gift of our true self.

I’m done making excuses, lying to myself, accepting less than I’m worth. I’m done letting fear control me. What about you? Are you ready to take control back? Are you ready to finally live the life you were meant to live? I am and I would love company along the way. 🙂

This woman is making a difference in peoples lives…check out what she is doing and get to work on your bucket list.

Exercise, Eat, Ignore, You are worthy!

   I think often times we confuse why we need to exercise and eat right. We look in the mirror and don’t like the image we see looking back and we think LORD HELP ME! Then the next day our husband, child, boyfriend, whomever it is says something about our weight and we want to cry inside. We think to ourselves, “Don’t they get it? Don’t they see I’ve tried?” Then we start beating ourselves up and we begin the process of trying to lose weight to make them happy and so that you don’t feel like crying when looking in the mirror.

What I’m realizing more and more though is that we can’t lose and keep it off because someone else is not satisfied with us and honestly we may not even be able to do it because we aren’t satisfied with us. What I believe to be true is that there is a root cause to why we allow ourselves to get to this point. What is your WHY? Is it a fear? Do you think you are protecting yourself somehow? Did something happen to you? Question yourself. What is the root?

I firmly believe that we can easily get a temporary fix lose a little gain a little lose some more. However in order to break free of the bondage we continuously allow ourselves to sleep in we have to face our demons, whatever they may be.

We have to heal ourselves on the inside first, so that when we exercise its for the right reasons. We want to be happy, to live a long life, to see our grandchildren grow up, we want to be healthy. The same goes with eating, we have to understand the relationship that food is supposed to have with us. Food was designed to sustain us, to nourish our body it was not meant to be gorged on, to be processed and covered in chemicals. Food is what is supposed to keep us alive not kill us. What is your relationship with food? Is it your comforter? Do you feel like it’s the only thing you have control of, hence you will do what you want? Is it your time killer? To begin to eat right, we have to view food as what it is, a healthy sustainable way to stay alive if used properly.

Identifying  these things in our lives and putting them in the right perspective is only part of it. We also have to be able to ignore those people who will try to tear us down. We have to let go of those people in our lives that stuff our pockets with rocks to weigh us down. We have to dump the poisons from our lives. That may seem harsh but it is fact. Miserable people don’t want  you to succeed they want you to stay miserable with them. They don’t want to be alone. But you, you have to say enough is enough I will not allow you to keep me in the same spot any longer. I am strong! I am capable! I can do it! And then you have to kick all those naysayers out of your life and put a sign up on your front door that reads “NO ENERGY SUCKING VAMPIRES WELCOME!

Lastly, but I think most importantly, you have to realize you are worth it. You were created from greatness, for greatness! One of my favorite quotes is from Max Lucado, “You aren’t an accident. You weren’t mass-produced. You aren’t an assembly line product. You were deliberately planned, specifically gifted, and lovingly positioned on the earth by the Master Craftsman.” I want to cry just thinking about how special each one of us is. Do you realize how special you are? God made you deliberately, He was intentional in creating you. Can you close your eyes and just envision the love, the tenderness, it took to mold each one of us, uniquely made, divinely created, each of us made for a specific purpose. Wow!

We must not just know that people think we are worthy, we must believe we are worthy. We are worthy of change! Worthy of love! Worthy of health! Worthy of success! Worthy of happiness! Worthy of being treated with respect! Worthy of a life lived to its fullest! WE ARE WORTHY!!!

Now with all that said, I completely believe (although I am not a doctor) that if we put these things into practice if we look at the entire picture and not just bits and pieces of it, we will finally see the change we have longed for, for so long.

So hang in there! It’s not an easy road, we have to break strongholds, we have to tear down walls, and in doing so we are going to hit some road blocks. When we do we have to face them, and press through. We will survive the journey and the best thing is we are not alone, we have each other. xoxoxo

A year later…

I wrote my When I Am Her story about a year ago and since then many things have taken place to move me towards my her.  Anyone who knew me prior to my changes so far knows that I hate standing in front of anyone speaking let alone a group of people, however not long after doing my exercise I was asked to do a speech at a regional training for Premier Design Jewelry which I had only just started selling. So there I stood shaking in front of all the jewelry ladies in my region but I delivered my very first speech without fainting, or being taken to the hospital due to an anxiety attach. It was an amazing experience and so many people came up to me after words to speak with me, it was crazy.

Following that was another huge milestone, Chivon made her first promotional video for When I Am Her a video I was supposed to be in, well not only was I in it, we were dancing, and I was wearing a dress that showed my arms and was fitted!! Um neither of which I ever did. My friends and family I’m sure were wondering where Tammy had went to. Wait that’s not it, not only did I do that, I had on these amazing shoes with freaking high heels, I could barely walk in lol but I wore the heck outta those shoes although sadly they didn’t show in the video.

I made it through the video, the picture-taking, and feeling completely out of my element. And if I’m being honest with myself I enjoyed every minute of it and have grown all that much more because of it. I’m still not someone who likes to be in front of the camera I much prefer taking the pictures but I don’t shy away the way I used to. And I even take a few cute pictures. J

Since writing my story and having my first published piece in the book When I Am Her, I have sung my first solo at church. This was huge for me because I love to sing, but never ever in front of anyone. I also, sang karaoke lol although I bombed that one lol, but it was so worth it.

The next big step for me was starting my own blog. I’m not sure what possessed me to do it, but a few months ago I started the blog Finding My Worth, yupe the one you are reading right now. I initially started it just so I could journal I wasn’t going to advertise and try to gain followers. But somehow you found me anyway and I’m so blessed.  What I find amazing about this whole blogging thing is that I get to interact with people from all over the world, people I otherwise would never have known. This is one of the best choices I’ve made for myself because you all have touched my life with your stories, pictures, and your advice in ways I would have never believed possible.

Just recently I stood in front of about 30 women telling my story which many of you have probably already read about in my post about the When I Am Her Book Launch. I could really tell I had grown when I stood in front of those women and I didn’t shake, I didn’t feel nervous, I just kept thinking to myself look at all these beautiful ladies whose lives are going to be changed after today. It was truly exciting.

Now all these things are great, but what I hold of the most value for me is that I’m learning to love myself and not let what everyone else says affect me. I’m building my confidence, I’m walking differently, I’m not afraid of life. But the person I was before realizing my Her, that person hid from the world. I would see someone I used to know back in the day at the store and instead of smiling and saying hi I would dart down another aisle and pray they didn’t see me. I was sad, depressed, and lonely. I definitely didn’t know my worth, how valuable I was. Today though, I am a new woman! And I am so thankful that I have had such wonderful friends and family to encourage me along the way. And I thank God for putting Chivon in my life and giving her the gift to help me bring the vision of my her into focus so that I could begin to move forward in my life with direction.

It really is exciting to have a vision and finally be able to see my life changing. I know that there are big things waiting for me out there and I’m not just talking about them anymore, I’m starting to live them.