This was one of the harder lessons I ever had to learn. Being my own worst critic like most of us are I saw every failure as a weakness within myself. I beat myself up every time I didn’t quite hit the mark. I tore myself down with self-hatred. I expected others to do the same and when they didn’t I resented the fact that I hated the person I looked at in the mirror but they could find something redeemable. Does that make sense? I didn’t understand how they could see my failures but still have faith in me when my own faith no longer existed.
Slowly over the course of 37 years I started listening to my own words to my children. I always said the right things, but could never seem to apply them to my own life. I’m not saying that I’ve arrived and that I don’t beat myself up from time to time cause I do. However, I slowly started taking baby steps to becoming the best me possible and step by step, day by day I am turning into the woman I have always longed to be.
These baby steps don’t come without mistakes though. The difference is that now when I make a mistake I can see it for what it is, a mistake, and then move on. I can learn from it, rather than dwell on it. I can see the lesson and grow from there. I can finally say that I love myself. Do I still have days where I look in the mirror and just cry because I’m not where I want to be, ABSOLUTELY! But more of my days are filled with the good stuff now. I don’t have the self loathing.
I’m still working on the trusting my choices, but I know I will get there. My life was meant for more than just sitting around hating the person in the mirror and hiding from the world. My life was meant to be an instrument, finely tuned, and playing beautiful music that draws the people, that touches lives, that brings joy to people, and that changes lives.
I’m ready for the everything is possible part of my life to take off and flourish. What about you? Are you ready? Do you see how beautiful you are? How strong? Can you see that your failure, is your strength, not your weakness? Are you ready to fight for yourself?