When I was younger I always felt like the outsider in the group, it really never mattered if I was with my best friend or with another group of people. I would see someone whispering and think they were talking about me. I would see a few people huddled in a corner laughing and think they were laughing at me. I just wanted to be accepted. I didn’t understand why I felt like this.
Then when I got old enough to start dating I just wanted to be with someone. I wanted that Jerry Mcquire moment where I found that person who completed me. The problem was that with each person I dated I changed who I was to meet what they wanted in a girl friend. My dating life became my best acting performance, truly I could have won an Oscar.
Now looking back at my life it saddens me to know that very few people actually knew the real me. They never really took the time to find the person inside, they only wanted to know the person that conformed to meet their needs.
Finally the day came though where I began to put myself first in my own life. It’s like a lightbulb popped on in my head shedding light on my entire existence. One of the most important things I came to understand at that time was that…..
YOU DON”T NEED SOMEONE TO COMPLETE YOU.
YOU ONLY NEED SOMEONE TO ACCEPT YOU COMPLETELY.
It took awhile for me to figure it out, I’m a slow learner when it comes to me! 🙂 But I finally get it! The only person I need to complete me is me. I have full control of my life and with the guiding hand of my personal Lord and Savior all things are possible. He did not create me to be a victim in my life. I was made for magnificient things, born to greatness, and worthy of the life He laid out for me. Created in the image of a King! WOW! Now that is a powerful thought.
I am complete because I was created by perfection, no I’m not saying I’m perfect, I’m saying He does not make mistakes. I had to figure this out on my own. It didn’t matter how often people told me I was beautiful, I always felt ugly. It didn’t matter how many people said, Tammy you can sing, you can write, girl you got talent. I couldn’t accept their words I would smile say thank you, but in my heart of hearts not believe a word of it. I felt inferior, I felt unworthy, and I felt like I was the only one in the world feeling like this.
Yet, when it hit me that I was all those things and more that people said about me I wanted to curl up and cry. Not because I was sad but because I was relived that I wasn’t alone and that the value people saw in me was real. I cried because I could finally see myself through His eyes even if just for a moment, I could finally see I was already complete.
I will never look for a person, or a man, to complete me again. I am COMPLETE! Now I just have to focus on taking my completeness to another level and fine tuning it, so that I run like a well oiled and maintained machine. I have to continue to trust the God in me, the God that resides in my life and allow myself to go to the next level. We hold ourselves back from life, life does not hold us back!
Have any of you ever felt incomplete? Have you felt alone, and like the world is laughing at you? Babygirl, you are not alone. And although my words can not help you find your completeness, I do hope you take comfort in knowing you are not alone. Your day is coming, hang on tight because you are in for the ride of your life!