Puzzle Pieces


TJ’s words of wisdom for the day…..Sometimes it’s hard to know how to fit the puzzle pieces together. You say, “I need something to change.” Then you wonder where to start, how to start. Then you realize if I change this then this this and this will change also. You become overwhelmed frustrated and mad because you just want to make the change. This is where I have been. I am embracing change not running from it but everything just piles up and piles up until I feel like I’m suffocating. What I’m slowly realizing though is you just have to reposition the pieces of the puzzle until they all fit. To do that sometimes we have to tear it apart and start over building our border (our foundation) and slowly adding back piece by piece until we have not only completed the puzzle but we have built patience, tolerance, and passion within ourselves to push us to build our next puzzle. Fitting the pieces together isn’t always easy but if we just keep trying we sure can create a pretty picture in the end.

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It’s been awhile since I’ve posted. Life has taken me on some crazy adventures since we last had the chance to interact and share with each other. The craziest being the new addition to our family. Yes We had our 5th child but hey I’m a young 42 nothing to it right!?! Lol Another huge adventure and one we are both excited for is the start of our new ministry that is focused on sharing the love of Christ through this blog and acts of love. We would love for you to check us out and follow us on our new blog 7th Harvest our first blog is posted.


In the Late Hours of the Night


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In the Late Hours of the Night
It is always in the late hours of the night that my heart cries out, that the tears escape there hiding place.
It is in the darkness that my loneliness invades my thoughts and wells up inside me.
It is in the wee morning hours when most rest peacefully that I toss and turn my heart heavy and my mind refusing to rest.
It is always in the late hours of the night that I see my true reflection, that my heart cries out, reaching into nothingness hoping to find the answers.
It is in my imprisoned soul in the emptiness of the night that the heaviness in my heart threatens to drown me.
Darkness is my emptiness, it’s silence speaks to the silence of my heart.
There is no one to see, no one to hear, as silently tears streak my face and my heart is allowed to break.
In the darkness, in the wee hours of the night I am me. Feeling, releasing, mourning, letting go, so that when the light pours through the window my smile will be bravely in place.
It is always in the late hours of the night.
T. Jordan June 17, 2015

Memorial Day!


I wrote this a couple years ago…I figure what better time to repost and remind people to remember….

findingmyworth

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Memorial Day, A day, the last Monday in May (originally May 30th), on which those who died in active military service are remembered.

I wonder how many people have no clue what Memorial Day even means. How many people plan their BBQ’s, camping trips, and get togethers with nothing more on their mind than a cold beer and some laughs with a few friends.

It hurts my heart to think of all the men and women who gave their lives so that we could be free, all the families who lost their son, daughter, mother, father, aunt, or uncle. I can’t fathom the feeling of seeing someone walking to my front door in full uniform to tell me the one I love will no longer return to me. Tears stream from my eyes just thinking about it and my heart is just heavy with grief for all those who’s…

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“My People”


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     I have left the topic of race alone for years out of fear of upsetting people I love, out of fear of losing friends, and out of fear of ridicule. I have listened to people who claim to love me talk about the white race making me feel like the scum at the bottom of the sea. I have heard the words “my people” more times than I can count and cringed because well to be honest I thought I was “your people”.  I have listened to people complain about segregation yet continue to segregate themselves with the words they use and the actions they take. I have cried over hurtful things my friends and loved ones have said without even knowing how hurtful it was to me.

     Now I may lose friends over this and I may make some enemies but that is okay. If I lose friends and make enemies for speaking what is on my mind in a respectful and loving manner then you were not meant to be in my life anyway.

     I have been married to a black man for 15 years. I have gone to a “black” church for over 13 years. I have children that are mixed. One of my best friends is a beautiful black woman. I have faced hateful people. I have been called a traitor to my race. Black women have glared at me with hate because I have taken one of “their” good men. I have had someone in my own neighborhood drive by my house and scream out the word nigger making me drop to the ground in hopes that a rock coming through my window wasn’t the next thing following that hateful word. I have walked through the grocery store with my beautiful mixed babies and heard comments about how “it’s such a shame”. I have had people I thought loved me tell me,” I have to choose I can’t be black and white”. I have dealt with hate. I have dealt with racism. Maybe not in the same way you have but I have felt the fear, the anger, the bitterness, the outrage ect. I worry when I’m in crowded places. I’m scared for my kids when they leave this house. I constantly am aware of my surroundings waiting for that one ignorant person or group to attack with their hate.

     Hate and ignorance is everywhere, in every race and sadly it isn’t going anywhere. We cannot change it, but we can change the way we respond to it. Mahatma Gandhi said, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” And that is the simple truth. If you want to see change, start with yourself. Let go of the hate you carry. Forgive the past and anything else that is sucking the life out of you. React with love and generosity of spirit. Set the example. Release the bitterness. Dare to be different.

     It really doesn’t matter what the issues are, have you ever seen anything solved with hate, judgment, or violence? Stop condemning and judging people because of the color of their skin or their history. Stop spitting hateful accusations. When we act out in this way we are no better than the ignorant hateful people out there. A matter of fact we are worse because we know we are wrong, they believe they are right.

     You are all MY PEOPLE!!! I do not see color, nationality, religion, sex, ect as something that disqualifies you from being MY PEOPLE. I love you for the beautiful and wonderful person God made you to be. It’s time to make a change in ourselves. Be the change.

 

T. Jordan ~ Sept. 2014

Step Inside My Heart


Reading through posts from when I first started blogging, thought I would re-share this one. 🙂 

Step inside my heart

Feel what I feel

See what I see

When I cry, understand why

When I laugh, feel it deep in your soul

See my struggles, understand them

Recognize my pain as your own

Hold my heart

Cherish it

Recognize its strength

Protect it

Love it

Don’t control it

Understand it

Take time to feel each heart beat

Breathe in and feel the thud against your own chest

Don’t take it for granted

Know that it is true

Virtuous

Unlike any other

By Tammy Jordan

The Station ~ by Robert J. Hastings


“Tucked away in our subconscious is an idyllic vision. We see ourselves on a long trip that spans the continent. We are traveling by train.

“Out the windows we drink in the passing scene of cars on nearby highways, of children waving at a crossing, of cattle grazing on a distant hillside, of city skylines and village halls.

“But uppermost in our minds is the final destination. Bands will be playing and flags waving. Once we get there our dreams will come true, and the pieces of our lives will fit together like a jigsaw puzzle.

“How restlessly we pace the aisles….waiting, waiting, waiting for the station.

“When we reach the station, that will be it,” we cry.

“When I’m 18….’

“When I buy a new 450sl Mercedes-Benz….’

“When I put the last kid through college….’

“When I have paid off the mortgage….’

“When I get a promotion….’

“When I reach the age of retirement. I shall live happily ever after.’

“Sooner or later we must realize there is no station, no one place to arrive at once and for all. The true joy of lifeis the trip, the Station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us.

“Relish the moment’ is a good motto, especially when coupled with Psalm 118:24, This is the day which the Lord hath made, we will rejoice and be glad in it.

“It isn’t the burdens of today that drive a man mad. It is the regrets over yesterday and the fear of tomorrow. Regret and fear are twin thieves who rob us of today.

“So stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles. Instead climb more mountains, eat more ice cream, go barefoot more often, swim more rivers, watch more sunsets, laugh more, cry less.

“Life must be lived as we go along. The station will come soon enough.”

Okay this is me talking now 🙂 I read this essay at a time when I most needed it. A reminder that we are always moving, always changing, always reaching for more because once one thing is accomplished we are again saying, “okay well if I just do this then I will be” We must learn to be happy where we are at in the moment. The moment is all that we have. Yesterday is over, why regret it, learn and move on. Tomorrow hasn’t come so why worry about it. Today though this very moment what will you do? How will you impact your life? How will you impact others lives? It is all in your hands. We have the true blessing of waking up each day to a brand new beginning. It is up to us how we use it. We can choose to go through the same struggles, the same worries, the same turmoil of the day before. We can choose to allow regrets and worries to haunt us and control us from day to day. OR we can lift up our chin, stick our chest out and boldly move into a new day with the conviction that we deserve better than we have been allowing ourselves. If you have to scream to get it through your thick skull then dang it scream, dance, cry whatever it is that you need to do to make yourself move through the journey to the station do it. But please, please do not sit on the bench waiting for the train to come to you because if you do everyone else will board the train without you and pass you by. You are worth the journey just get up and put one foot in front of the other. xoxo TJ

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