My Heart is Heavy


What is happening in this world lately. Every time I get on social media someone has been shot, a kid has committed suicide due to bullying, another kid is missing, someone is killed for being transgender, innocent by standers are being shot and killed during a shoot out with the cops, and the list goes on. What the heck is happening?

I’m sorry but something isn’t working. Somewhere along the line we made a wrong turn and now our homelessness is at an all time high, teen suicide is at an all time high, racism is bearing its ugly teeth, hate is smeared everywhere and everything is labeled as mental illness.

My heart is so heavy. It’s no wonder everyone is so anxiety ridden. Look around you people, stop pointing your finger at everyone and open your eyes. We created this issue. We not one race, not one sex, not one person, we the people…all people.

We stopped teaching children how to deal with rejection and started worrying about hurting their feelings. How does a kid learn to deal with their feelings if they are never allowed to face them? We stopped teaching them to love and to love themselves.

We took God out of everything and then asked why is everything falling apart. I know I have tons of friends who do not believe in God and I have never pushed my views on anyone of you. But to me this is as plain as the nose on my face. God is love and we took love out of everything. We took the heart out of the body but expected it to keep beating. It doesn’t work that way.

We stopped teaching kids morals, values, respect and then we wonder why schools are being shot up, why bullying has become such a huge issue, and why families are broken.

I grieve for a simpler life where we played outside and weren’t scared the kid we were playing with was packing. I grieve for a life that doesn’t exist anymore and I grieve for my kids that will never know what it’s like to not be

on-guard 24/7.

We have to do better, we have to teach our children better

No wonder I can never sleep. My heart is just to heavy.

Heartbreak


My favorite line from the Lifetime movie The Magical Christmas Shoes.

“You need to learn to love like heartbreak doesn’t exist”

Wow! What a powerful statement. How many people hold themselves back from life, love in one way or another because they are afraid of getting hurt? Have you lost the love of your life because you were to scared to admit how you felt? Did you stop yourself from taking a chance on love because you held on to a hurt from the past? What other area of your life did you allow the fear of heartbreak to control the outcome? Why do we give such power, such control to fear?

We need to teach are little ones growing up that there is nothing to fear. We will all feel pain, we will all feel lose, you can’t stop it, it will just come in a different form.

Ok so you avoided heartbreak, but now you’re alone, now you have robbed yourself of all the amazing moments, all the laughter, all the joy that would have come from taking a chance on love, on the possibility that he/she may break your heart.

Why do we sabotage ourselves in this way? Take a chance. Get out of your own way and allow yourself to live a life full of love. You got this!

Sunday Morning Thoughts


Sunday Morning thoughts….There is no other time of year that gets me thinking, wishing, praying then Christmas. The thought that the love and sacrifice of one man changed the entire world is overwhelming. The idea of the pain He suffered through. The loss He endured, the ridicule, the beatings, the rejection and still He stood. He stood for us, for a world of sinners who would never be perfect, who would continue to deny Him, who would make mistakes at every turn. He knew already our journey, and His destiny and He hung at the cross being spit at, being punished for a crime He didn’t commit. All to save us, because no matter what He loved us. How powerful is that!!! Wow! Thank you Jesus!

Puzzle Pieces


TJ’s words of wisdom for the day…..Sometimes it’s hard to know how to fit the puzzle pieces together. You say, “I need something to change.” Then you wonder where to start, how to start. Then you realize if I change this then this this and this will change also. You become overwhelmed frustrated and mad because you just want to make the change. This is where I have been. I am embracing change not running from it but everything just piles up and piles up until I feel like I’m suffocating. What I’m slowly realizing though is you just have to reposition the pieces of the puzzle until they all fit. To do that sometimes we have to tear it apart and start over building our border (our foundation) and slowly adding back piece by piece until we have not only completed the puzzle but we have built patience, tolerance, and passion within ourselves to push us to build our next puzzle. Fitting the pieces together isn’t always easy but if we just keep trying we sure can create a pretty picture in the end.

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted. Life has taken me on some crazy adventures since we last had the chance to interact and share with each other. The craziest being the new addition to our family. Yes We had our 5th child but hey I’m a young 42 nothing to it right!?! Lol Another huge adventure and one we are both excited for is the start of our new ministry that is focused on sharing the love of Christ through this blog and acts of love. We would love for you to check us out and follow us on our new blog 7th Harvest our first blog is posted.


In the Late Hours of the Night


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In the Late Hours of the Night
It is always in the late hours of the night that my heart cries out, that the tears escape there hiding place.
It is in the darkness that my loneliness invades my thoughts and wells up inside me.
It is in the wee morning hours when most rest peacefully that I toss and turn my heart heavy and my mind refusing to rest.
It is always in the late hours of the night that I see my true reflection, that my heart cries out, reaching into nothingness hoping to find the answers.
It is in my imprisoned soul in the emptiness of the night that the heaviness in my heart threatens to drown me.
Darkness is my emptiness, it’s silence speaks to the silence of my heart.
There is no one to see, no one to hear, as silently tears streak my face and my heart is allowed to break.
In the darkness, in the wee hours of the night I am me. Feeling, releasing, mourning, letting go, so that when the light pours through the window my smile will be bravely in place.
It is always in the late hours of the night.
T. Jordan June 17, 2015

Memorial Day!


I wrote this a couple years ago…I figure what better time to repost and remind people to remember….

findingmyworth

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Memorial Day, A day, the last Monday in May (originally May 30th), on which those who died in active military service are remembered.

I wonder how many people have no clue what Memorial Day even means. How many people plan their BBQ’s, camping trips, and get togethers with nothing more on their mind than a cold beer and some laughs with a few friends.

It hurts my heart to think of all the men and women who gave their lives so that we could be free, all the families who lost their son, daughter, mother, father, aunt, or uncle. I can’t fathom the feeling of seeing someone walking to my front door in full uniform to tell me the one I love will no longer return to me. Tears stream from my eyes just thinking about it and my heart is just heavy with grief for all those who’s…

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“My People”


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     I have left the topic of race alone for years out of fear of upsetting people I love, out of fear of losing friends, and out of fear of ridicule. I have listened to people who claim to love me talk about the white race making me feel like the scum at the bottom of the sea. I have heard the words “my people” more times than I can count and cringed because well to be honest I thought I was “your people”.  I have listened to people complain about segregation yet continue to segregate themselves with the words they use and the actions they take. I have cried over hurtful things my friends and loved ones have said without even knowing how hurtful it was to me.

     Now I may lose friends over this and I may make some enemies but that is okay. If I lose friends and make enemies for speaking what is on my mind in a respectful and loving manner then you were not meant to be in my life anyway.

     I have been married to a black man for 15 years. I have gone to a “black” church for over 13 years. I have children that are mixed. One of my best friends is a beautiful black woman. I have faced hateful people. I have been called a traitor to my race. Black women have glared at me with hate because I have taken one of “their” good men. I have had someone in my own neighborhood drive by my house and scream out the word nigger making me drop to the ground in hopes that a rock coming through my window wasn’t the next thing following that hateful word. I have walked through the grocery store with my beautiful mixed babies and heard comments about how “it’s such a shame”. I have had people I thought loved me tell me,” I have to choose I can’t be black and white”. I have dealt with hate. I have dealt with racism. Maybe not in the same way you have but I have felt the fear, the anger, the bitterness, the outrage ect. I worry when I’m in crowded places. I’m scared for my kids when they leave this house. I constantly am aware of my surroundings waiting for that one ignorant person or group to attack with their hate.

     Hate and ignorance is everywhere, in every race and sadly it isn’t going anywhere. We cannot change it, but we can change the way we respond to it. Mahatma Gandhi said, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” And that is the simple truth. If you want to see change, start with yourself. Let go of the hate you carry. Forgive the past and anything else that is sucking the life out of you. React with love and generosity of spirit. Set the example. Release the bitterness. Dare to be different.

     It really doesn’t matter what the issues are, have you ever seen anything solved with hate, judgment, or violence? Stop condemning and judging people because of the color of their skin or their history. Stop spitting hateful accusations. When we act out in this way we are no better than the ignorant hateful people out there. A matter of fact we are worse because we know we are wrong, they believe they are right.

     You are all MY PEOPLE!!! I do not see color, nationality, religion, sex, ect as something that disqualifies you from being MY PEOPLE. I love you for the beautiful and wonderful person God made you to be. It’s time to make a change in ourselves. Be the change.

 

T. Jordan ~ Sept. 2014