Ohhh yeah now that is a medication I would be asking the doctor for. “Hey doc, I know I’m not sick but did you read the side affects? This could really work for me.” 
Although I’m not sure the world could handle me then. lol
That Moment
Please tell me I’m not alone in this one!! LOL I am starting to believe I’m going insane. Oh my.
A Song For Mama
Taking it back to old school This is one of my favorite songs…everyone should cherish their Mother’s this much! Happy Mother’s Day!
A Letter to Mom!
Dear Mom,
It’s been five years now sense you’ve been gone. Time has gone so fast and you have missed so much. The kids have grown so much in just this short time. Gage turned 16, started working, has his permit (Lord help us all) and is only one year from graduation. Bri’ana has blossomed into a beautiful young woman, she will be 16 this year, she is already planning how she is going to invest, where she is going to live, how she is going to purchase her first car. Darius still has that crazy since of humor that makes you either laugh like crazy or makes you want to scream. He is starting high school next September that means I will have three kids in high school. He had surgery on his knee this year, and is praying to be able to play his first year of football as a freshman. Alyssa our precious little princess is exceeding in school, she reads at a 5th grade level in 3rd grade, and she is simply a joy in our life with her loving personality. Each one of the kids misses you so much. The two oldest are still grieving their loss, they were so close to you, they still haven’t been able to process it. It’s sad to see them hurt and know all I can do is love them through it.
Alton and I are doing amazing, you would be so happy to see our marriage growing stronger and stronger. For the longest time I wasn’t sure we would make it, but you always encouraged me to hang in there and look at us now. We are in the process of laying the foundation to begin our Non-profit and hopefully soon he will be able to quit his job and get out of those terrible hours so we can focus on our family more like we both want. We are working on starting over, clearing our life from all the garbage and stresses in life that try to tear us down, and learning to focus on us and trust God in every area of our life.
Daddy is doing good Mom; I was scared for a long time we would lose him too. He loves you so much, he lived for you to a point and when you died it felt like he died with you. His grieving process has not been easy on any of us. In a way we did lose him when you died because he checked out of our lives. He began traveling for 6 months at a time always missing the holidays and never very good at keeping in touch. As much as all of us girls hated it we knew he was doing what he needed to do to cope with losing you.
He is home now, and for the first time since you left us I believe he is going to be completely okay. He is lonely though and I pray he finds someone to fill in that empty space. Nobody could ever take your place Mom, but Daddy needs someone to share what’s left of his life with and I know you would want that for him too.
Your daughters are doing well too, we all have had our own set of struggles but God has got us through each one and given us the strength to get through. He has supplied all our needs and comforted us when we felt lost. I am excited for the future for the first time in a very long time.
I love you Mom! I miss you so much. I still reach for the phone at times to call you. I want to hear your voice so bad it hurts. I want to feel your arms around me. To see you playing with your grandchildren. Heck I even miss arguing with you. I wasn’t the best daughter when you were here, I didn’t spend enough time with you. I was too wrapped up in my own life to see how much you needed and longed to be a part of all of our lives. I didn’t take time to see your pain. I only pray you knew how much I loved you and how important you were to my life and to me becoming the woman I am today.
You taught me so much, even in your death you continued to teach me. Mom you showed me what it meant to be a wife, to give of myself completely, to love with my entire heart. You taught me to be strong, that I could do anything I put my mind to. You set an example as to how to give of yourself selflessly without ever expecting anything in return. Mom you were not perfect, we had our difference, we fought, we cried, we laughed, we taught each other, and we loved each other in our way. We may not have been perfect, but we loved completely.
I was blessed to have you as my mother and all though God called you home early in life, he gave us just enough time with you, for you to have left an imprint on our hearts and I’m sure on many others. I am thankful for the time we had and I look forward to the day when I will see you again.
I carry you with me daily. You are always in my thoughts and close to my heart. Thank you for being the amazing beautiful woman who God designed you to be. Happy Mother’s Day!!!
With All My Love,
Your Loving Daughter
Just a Little Funny
Hahaha…Okay sorry but I had to share this one. We will come up with every excuse in the book not to exercise. Love it! I’ll never understand why it is so much easier to do the things that make us feel like crap, but when it comes to the things we know make us feel good we make excuse after excuse after excuse.
An Image of Life, Love, and Death
I wrote this back when my Mom was slowly fading away from cancer in 2007. It was a devastating time in my life, not only was my Mom sick and dieing, my dad (my rock) crumbling, but my marriage was also going through the test of time. I was a mess, nothing in my life made since, and nobody (I thought) could even begin to understand what I was going through. I honestly didn’t believe I would survive this time in my life.
But as I watched my Mom fight for her life, I began to feel convicted about many areas in my life. How could I complain about anything as she lay so frail barely able to hold on but still fighting for her life. Selflessly wanting to know we would be okay without her.
My Mom fought the battle with cancer for 8 years. The doctors said she was a miracle case, because when she came to them she was already in stage 4 of her cancer. That evil poison that slowly and painfully sucked the life from her. The doctors gave her only 6 months to live, but she wasn’t having that. It was 8 years later that she finally let go and went to see her maker.
My Mom set an example of strength, love, determination, and heart. She showed me in those finally months what it meant to be a wife and mother. She showed me that I couldn’t live my life within a shell, and that life was way to short to play games with. She is my hero! I love you Mom and miss you more than words can express.
An Image of Life, Love, and Death
Rest in Peace Mama, you are always in my heart.
The light slowly fading as her life slips away.
Her Body weak, barely able to move, her hands frail,
and color fading, but her love forever true.
She fights for strength, for energy to make it through each
day, and when death knocks she tells him to go away.
She will not leave, will not lay her head to rest until she
knows what lies ahead. Her family is her first priority, she
needs to know they are ready to be on there own. So for
one more day, she fights to hold on and she will continue until
she feels it is safe to move on.
Her husband sits at her side, caring for her and loving her
while she slowly dies. He holds her hand and rubs her leg, he prays
this all would go away, but he holds her tight as they sit and cry
for all the time that has past them by.
By Tammy Jordan
6/19/2007
I Saw You Yesterday
Sharing some of my older writings…
I saw you yesterday. I reached out to touch you, but you were to far away.
I watched until you walked from my view wanting to scream your name, but when I opened my mouth nothing came out. Tears rolled down my face. I stared in disbelief at the place you once stood.
You never even saw me. Never saw the desire in my eyes, never felt the love I had to offer. You just walked by leaving my heart heavy. You didn’t even glance my way. You left and never looked back.
I stood now where you had stood moments ago. My face stained with tears, my heart shattered. I was never good enough. Never what you needed,what you wanted and now you’re gone. You followed her out the door and left me alone.
I screamed inside. I don’t need you, GO, don’t ever come back. I am stronger then you ever gave me credit for. I don’t need your love. I don’t need you. The pain ripping into my soul, how could he just leave?
Written by Tammy Jordan
2/2008
A Mother of My Own
Happy Mother’s Day to all the beautiful Mommy’s out there, and to the Daddy’s that have been left to be Mom and Dad. You are all amazing.
My husband wrote a beautiful poem for Mother’s Day and I want to share it with all of you. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Happy early Mother’s Day!
A Mother of My Own
By Alton Jordan
I once met a MOTHER,
She was washing laundry and combing her daughter’s hair.
I once met a MOTHER,
She was driving her children to school, while whispering a daily prayer.
I once met a MOTHER,
She was working in the sun all day long.
I once met a MOTHER,
She was knitting a sweater, while composing a song.
I once met a MOTHER,
She was kind, dedicated, committed and built to last.
I once met a MOTHER,
She would do anything for you, all you had to do was ask.
I once met a MOTHER,
She was formed by the Potter’s hands.
Refined like gold and whose womb bore nations more numerous than sand.
I once met a MOTHER,
It was on a very special day.
She took me in her soft, gentle arms and earnestly began to pray:
“Father on this day I surrender to thee,
This precious gift you have given me.
To love and nurture, and hold so close,
I am forever thankful, lest I should boast.
Help me to be the MOTHER that this child so deserves,
Help me to be a MOTHER that will choose her words,
Carefully, so as not to offend,
This precious child to the very end.”
I now have a MOTHER,
Whose love runs so very deep.
As I nestle comfortably into her arms and fall fast asleep.
Carefully, gently, lovingly, she lays me down to rest,
I love my MOTHER; she is truly the very best.
